"I'm looking for…" an incomplete sentence displays at the top of the screen. "pornography," I sigh; no, I should delete that. Backspace.
"I'm looking for…" What was I looking for when I came here again? I can hardly remember the first time I filled this out; I guess I never found it that time either.
My mouse hovers over the drop-down bar with prewritten things someone might be looking for. A lot of people must struggle with knowing, just like me.
"A relationship, something casual, friendship, a mentor, a Dominant, a submissive, a slave, a cuckold…" the list of options goes on and on. I don't know that I'm looking for any of those things, especially not in a place like this.
"I'm looking for…" the prompt waits for my decision. Fuck it. It's not like my answer to this even matters. "nothing :)" This is true after all, right?
"My role is…" Question two appears. I go straight to the drop bar before wasting any time thinking about this.
"Dom, sub, Master, slave, pleasure Dom, gorean slave, Daddy, brat, princess, kitten, Alpha, Beta, Sigma—" I pick Sigma. I'm not sure what this even means in this context, but it is the funniest option. Not that I'm trying to be funny, but it doesn't hurt; maybe it's less embarrassing if it seems like I'm being ironic.
"My gender is…" finally an easy one. "female,".
"My age is…" should I be embarrassed about my age? There's nothing I can do to change my age, besides maybe wait until my next birthday, but that makes things worse. "31,“ backspace, "33“.
"My relationship status is…" Ugh, I miss when these questions were difficult. "single". I click to save my profile.
Immediately, I click off my profile and go to the explore tab. My screen filled with photos and videos of sweaty, middle-aged, fat people masturbating, showing close-ups of various body parts, and occasionally having sex.
I kind of thought I was looking for pornography before, but now I'm not really as sure about it. I shouldn't be so judgemental; it's not like I look any better. If anything, all these people are above me considering that people actually want to fuck them. I look grim. I'm not going to post any photos.
Ping! Huh? I already have a message. I click on the envelope icon.
"hey. saw your profile and we think you're really sexy. we are an ethical nonmonogomous one sided poly Dom/sub dynamic (this means Daddy gets to play outside the relationship, and i watch) would you be interested in chatting and seeing if we are a match?“ from BigSkyCurvy - 47F. Sexy? What? There aren't any photos of me on my profile. This is obviously something they just copy and paste to everyone. How obnoxious. I close out of the message and go back to the explore tab.
The new top post on my screen is a chubby man wearing a latex body suit that only exposes his penis chained up to a grimy-looking bed. A much thinner woman, also in a latex body suit, is trying to stuff his cock into a chastity cage, but the man is getting hard from this situation, and it's not fitting. I scroll.
The next post is a photo of a young, petite, blonde woman. "Heart this post if old men fuck better!" Her caption is followed by a link to her OnlyFans account. Something tells me she doesn't actually like old men and wants them to send her money, though the nearly 200k hearts in less than 24 hours seem to believe her.
Ping! Ping! Damn, am I popular? Two new messages. They're probably more copy-and-pasted soliciting. I click the envelope to check anyway.
"Hey babygirl. New here? If you're in the Branson, Missouri area we could hook up? I can't host when my wife is home, but she stays with her family from time to time. Does your ass squirt and is it thick???" An insightful message from BWCMaster77. Branson, Missouri? Uhhh, where is Missouri again?
My ass is not thick at all. I've actually heard a lot from men about this when I was younger and used to pursue dating more seriously. No matter how many squats I do it stays pancake-esque
"it is not thick and it doesn't squirt" I reply. Milliseconds after my message sends he is already typing again.
"C'mooonnnn baby. That's not true. How about you show me how thick it is and how far it squirt, I can help???" Sigh. Why would I lie about whether or not my ass squirts? I just close out the message and click on the other message I received.
"New here?" - Truck0Guy1989
"New to this account"
"Oh you couldn't stay away huh?" - Truck0Guy1989
"I guess not!"
"It says you're looking for nothing?" - Truck0Guy1989
"I mostly just came here to look at what people post…"
"Yeah. I haven't had much luck finding anyone on here" - Truck0Guy1989
"Any reason for that?"
"… Yes" - Truck0Guy1989. What an ominous answer? Is he a serial killer?
"… Uhhh, what's the reason?"
"Let's just say women on here are size queens" - Truck0Guy1989. Huh, I guess he is kind of insecure.
"Oh, yeah there's a lot of posts from women talking about huge dicks I've seen"
"Yeah, it makes it unlikely anyone would want to meet up with me…" - Truck0Guy1989
"Have you tried?"
"Yes… I used to be married and she'd tell me it was big, but she eventually left me. I haven't had any luck here since" - Truck0Guy1989
"Are you sure she left you due to that? If she said she thought it was big?"
"I know it's small you know… it's demeaning for her to call it big" - Truck0Guy1989. Hey this just happened to me with BWCMaster77 saying he doesn't believe my butt could be small. And it's definitely happened to me in previous relationships as well.
"I see. I kind of feel the same way about men wanting thick women"
"How so?" - Truck0Guy1989
"Well I don't have a big butt or wide hips at all. But in a relationship men will tell me it looks huge or thick because that's the only positive version of an ass they know."
"Exactly. My ex wife would scream and tell me my cock hit her cervix and that I was the biggest she ever had" - Truck0Guy1989
"Soooo… how big is it?—" I almost send, but I backspace. "Soooo… what size is it?" That's better right?
"Let's just say less than 4" - Truck0Guy1989
"Ah. Yeah it sucks your ex wouldn't just be real about it"
"She's a bitch" - Truck0Guy1989
"If I dated a guy with a smaller sized penis I wouldn't lie to him about it. I'd probably avoid referring to it by size all together"
"That would be ideal. I don't want to think about it anymore than I have to during sex. It's already hard enough" - Truck0Guy1989
"I wish men wouldn't refer to my butt at all…"
"Yeah… I'm sorry you had to deal with that" - Truck0Guy1989
"I guess we've had pretty similar experiences? :)"
"Yup…" - Truck0Guy1989
"Sooo. Are you still looking for anyone now?"
"Yes…" - Truck0Guy1989
"Do you think we could be a good match? We understand each other and could avoid hurting each other's feelings?"
"Look. I appreciate the thought. But if you looked at my profile you'd see my top fetish is big butts and curvy big women. It's nothing personal…" - Truck0Guy1989. My heart sinks. Fuck. I haven't looked at his profile.
I click on his icon and sure enough, his profile is full of groups dedicated to massive butts and chubby girls and bbls, anything big butt related. He's even written poetry about wanting to be squished by huge asses.
"Oh. So you wouldn't be interested in someone with a small butt at all? I'd do anything I could to make sure you didn't feel bad about your body…" I'm so pathetic for even asking…
"Sorry" - Truck0Guy1989
"It's fine"
"Appreciate the chat" - Truck0Guy1989
"Yeah good talk…" he doesn't respond again.
Fuck this micropenis truck guy. How can it even reach past all the fat on those ladies' asses for it to even be possible for him to fuck at all?
I log off.